I’ve been wanting to write this post for a while. I have always been so passionate about this topic because it’s unfortunate how relationships/friendships end and no one really tries to make it work.
In this post, I will be talking about the 3 main things you need to keep a healthy relationship/friendship. If these don’t work, at least you can say you did try.
This goes for both ends of that relationship. Both of you need to understand how to speak about your feelings and also have the patience to hear the other one out. I know you want to get your point across, but there is no need to rush.
If you feel uncomfortable with the other doing something let them know. And if your friend/partner is letting you know that they have a problem with what you’re doing, just be empathetic. Look at it from the other’s perspective and think, “If I felt uncomfortable with them doing something, I would want them to understand.”
There is a reason why some people are afraid of speaking to their partner/friend/family member. Sometimes it’s hard for them to speak about their feelings because the other refuses to listen, I understand completely. If talking doesn’t work, think of other communication methods like writing.
As you can tell, writing is the best way for me to communicate. That’s why I prefer texting over face-timing or call. When you’re writing, no one can interrupt you. You can easily get all of your feelings out on a piece of paper (probably 4).
Well in a way, I understand why it’s hard for some people to communicate in a relationship, what’s the point in listening if you can’t trust the person.
Another key to a healthy relationship.
Do you go on a plane not trusting that it will get you to your destination safely? Do you get in a car hoping that you will get in a car accident? Do you eat at a restaurant hoping that you will get food poisoning? If your answer to any of these questions were no, why do go into a relationship/friendship not trusting that person?
Although I am young, I am not looking for a short term relationship. I want long term. That means I would have to put my trust into that person, because without trust, what’s the point? If you did not trust that your next flight was going to get you where you need to be, would you get on that plane?
It’s okay to be trusting. If you’re not ready to trust someone, maybe you need to take some time for yourself. Maybe you put all your trust in your last relationship and that person took advantage of that. Maybe something tragic happened in your childhood making you never want to trust another soul ever! Take some time alone and learn how to let go. I’m going through trust issues myself because of the times’ people would walk out of my life or me having to walk out of theirs. I always expect that the next person that walks in my life won’t stay there long.
I’m learning that it’s okay to trust people, especially people I truly care about. This flows so well with the last key to a healthy relationship and that is…
Assurance is probably my favorite key in a healthy relationship. Instead of having the other worry about if you still love them or not, assure them that you always be there for them as long as they are there for you.
I know a lot of instances where both friends or both significant others are worrying about whether they’re actually into the friendship or relationship. If you want to make this relationship work. Please assure your person that you’re in it for the long run. You might be dating or friends with people like me. People who needs assurance probably every other day, because I over think… alot!
Let me use an example. You are going through something with work, or a family member made you mad and you need space for yourself. I understand that, because when I’m aggitated I would like to be alone otherwise I might snap at the wrong person. If your person is trying to contact you, don’t brush them off or ignore them, It’s best that you let them know, “My boss really pissed me off and I need some space.” Boom!
If my friend were to get there space and I contact them and they don’t reply without assuring me, I’m already wondering what I did to make that friend mad at me. I’ll question if i’m too clingy, not clingy enough, do I talk too much about myself, am I not good enough. When in reality my friend is just mad because their Psychology professor won’t put in their grade for their makeup work.
You see what happens when you just communicate with the person? It will save many arguments. You or that other person won’t have to overthink what the other feels about them.
I think it should start off with people who doesn’t like to listen. You try to get your point across, so you refuse to listen to what the other has to say. It’s okay to agree to disagree, it’s okay to be wrong. It won’t kill you to admit that you are wrong. If you proceed to argue whilst being wrong, the other person will feel uncomfortable communicating with you and the relationship/friendship will not work out.